Epiphany
by Spenderella
Summary: AU. What if Bella would have had her 'epiphany' after hearing Edward's voice the first time in Port Angeles? Would she have believed that he still loves her? And if she did, what would she go through to get Edward back? Cannon pairings.
1. Chapter 1 Option Three

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and dialogue belong to Stephenie Meyer. Thank you.**

** Epiphany  
**

**Chapter One:**

**Option Three**

"_Bella stop this right now!"_

"_Go back to Jessica. You promised – nothing stupid."_

"_Keep your promise."_

It was that last thing I expected to hear. It was _his_ voice, velvet and lovely. But _he_ was gone, and had been for so long now. The instant I heard it, everything became clear. I shook my head, trying to understand. As I stood outside this bar, staring at the four men in front of me, I knew _he_ wasn't there, and yet, _he_ felt impossibly close, close for the first time since… since the end.

I ran through the options quickly in my head.

Option one: I was crazy. Pure and simple. I'm sure that people have lost their minds for lesser reasons than losing part of their souls, as I had done.

Possible.

Option two: My subconscious mind was giving me what it thought I wanted. This was wish fulfillment – a momentary relief from pain by embracing the incorrect idea that _he _cared whether I lived or died.

Probable.

But, what if… What if my subconscious mind was telling me that _he_ did care if I live or died? What if somewhere in my abnormally thick brain, a part of me still believes that _he_ loves and cares about me? I know that my body believes _he _doesn't love me. I can feel it, the part of me that's missing, the part _he_ took with him when he left and the hole that now remains. This entire time I've believed that _he_ didn't want me anymore; after all, that is what he said. What if I have just been too stubbornly sure that _he _doesn't love me that I haven't even considered that I could have been mistaken? Would the truth be silenced, or was it trying to break through?

Option three: Edward loved me. The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken by absence, distance, or time. And no matter how much more special or beautiful or brilliant or perfect than me he might be, he was as irreversibly altered as I was. We had given ourselves to the other, I know because part of me was still with him. And now as I stand on this dark street in Port Angeles, as I hear his voice, I know that part of him is still with me. As I would always belong to him, so would he always be mine.  
Unbelievable…

**A/N: I know that this chapter is basically all of Stephenie's words, just rearranged, but I wanted to keep the essence of what Bella thinks the same. I promise my own original fiction will be presented in the following chapters. **

**Thank you for reading; please feel free to review.**


	2. Chapter 2 Intervention

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and dialogue belong to Stephenie Meyer. Thank you.**

**Chapter Two: **

**Intervention**

I don't even remember the ride home. I don't remember saying 'goodnight' to Charlie, or even putting on my old sweats for bed. All of my thoughts have been devoted to his voice and the very tempting idea of option three.

Instead of attempting to sleep, I did something I hadn't done in months; I sat in my grandmother's rocking chair, the chair that he had occupied so many times. As it swayed back and forth, I couldn't help but feel connected to him. Granted it was still somewhat difficult to think his name, but the closeness I was experiencing was undeniable. It was only in that connection that I found the strength to let myself believe that he still loved me. I remained unwilling at this point in time to completely rule out option two. It still seemed like a distinct possibility.

However, before September 16th, there would only have been two things that I was completely certain were true in this world. The first: that I loved Edward Cullen with every fiber of my being, beyond the point of reason and sanity. Hell, that was still true, _that_ would never change. The second: that Edward Cullen loved me with every fiber of his unbelievable being; that even though he could have had anyone, he had chosen me. Could it be possible that he had lied to me? Even though it ripped the hole in my chest wide open, I wanted to think objectively about our conversation in the woods. When he first told me he and his family were leaving, I told him that I would go with him, that wherever he was, was the right place for me. But then he had said "I'm no good for you, Bella."

Hmm. I repeated it a few times in my head, also mouthing it silently, feeling the words on my lips. And as I did so, I realized that those really weren't unexpected or shocking words for him to say; he had told me so many times that he was a dangerous monster, that it wasn't safe for me to be around him. Obviously my disastrous birthday party had only further solidified his resolve on that matter. But, if I decided to believe that he loved me, then these words of his were really nothing new. He had said the same things before, during times when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loved me. Option three still remains a possibility.

As I sat here going over the hardest conversation I had ever had, an unexpected feeling of déjà vu and amusement passed over me, as I remembered he and I sitting at our lunch table and he telling me that Jessica was analyzing all of his body language so that we would be able to dissect it later. A small smile began to stretch over my lips, but before I would let it form completely I resolved myself to remember that regardless of what had happened before, he was still gone.

I took a deep calming breath before I continued to remember the next part of our conversation. Amazingly, thinking about that night, in this objective way, did not seem to cause me very much pain. And I was extremely grateful for that fact as I continued. I remembered how he told me that his world was not for me. And when I had caught on to there the discussion was leading I had reminded him that while we were in Phoenix, he had promised to stay with me, to which he countered that he had intended to keep that promise only as long as it was what was best for me.

That's when it hit me, the pattern, what I had not been able to see before because I had been incapable of functioning and because I had refused to think about these things knowing they would hurt me too much. But now it was staring me right in the face, everything he had said up to this point was about me. He was no good for _me_. His world was not for _me_. He would only stay as long as it was best for _me_. It was him true to form. He was only concerned about me and my safety, and I had always known that, even if I also knew that he would never hurt. It hadn't been until I fought back at him, yelling that I did not want my soul, that it was already his, that he had said the words that had broken me: "I don't want you to come with me." I remember that's when the numbness began.

But if I wanted to really believe that he still loved me, I would have to forget about everything he said after that. I would have to believe that he only said those things to get me to let go or something along those lines.

I just don't know… For the last however many months I've believed that he didn't love me anymore. And although it physically made me ache inside, a part of me understood how that could happen; a part of me had always known that he was too good for me and that he would eventually see that himself.

I don't know how long I sat in the rocking chair trying to sort all of this out, but I began to feel tired, the days events were finally catching up with me. Truthfully though, I was kind of afraid to get into my bed and go to sleep. A part of me felt like this was a dream itself, that hearing his voice and finding reasons that suggest that he still might loves me were gifts I thought I would never be granted and I was afraid that I would wake up and none of it would be true. A bigger part of me was more afraid of what my unconscious mind would show me while I slept. The reoccurring nightmare was most likely what waited to greet me, but what if something worse came?

Well, I can't go without sleep, unlike others I know. I took a deep breath and rose out of the chair. As I walked over to get into my bed, my foot caught on something and I practically face planted onto my mattress. I lifted myself into a more respectable sitting position and turned to see what I had tripped on. A thread in my sock must have snagged on a piece of splintered floorboard because my sock was torn and the piece of floorboard had completely dislodged and laid perpendicular to its original position.

I got up to put it back in its spot, making a mental note to tell Charlie about it in the morning. As I bent down though, something caught shiny caught eye. I reached down to see grab whatever it was and I felt my fingers make contact with something plastic. And paper.

I held in my hands things that I thought I would never see again. The CD that he had given me for my birthday and the pictures he had taken out of my scrapbook. I just sat there, on the floor, holding the most precious items; things I thought had been taken from me by a man I thought didn't love me. But no, they had never left me. They were here in my room, a place where he and I had spent so many wonderful nights, as he held while I slept. He had left them here. He had left pieces of himself here _with_ me, even though he had promised a life without reminders. What did this mean?

I know that I was uncertain about everything that was happening today, it was such a weird day. Its like I fate was intervening, first in Port Angeles, then with letting me remember, and now by giving my back physical pieces of him. I'm not really sure if it's the most rational conclusion to come to, but at this point I really didn't want to believe anything else. Right now, all I wanted was to believe that he still loved me. And even as I thought it, and finally acknowledged the desire I had felt for so long, it didn't feel wrong. In fact, it felt right, wholly and undeniably right. I knew then, for certain. He still loved me. _Edward_ still loved me.

Although this knowledge gave me an almost forgotten feeling of euphoria, many questions still remained. The first and probably the easiest to answer was: if Edward loved me, why did he leave? I knew Edward, and therefore I knew that leaving me because he felt like he was a danger to me is definitely something he would do. But even so, he still left me; left me here to be miserable and half dead. I'm sure how I feel about that. I understand that he probably believed that he was doing the right thing, but he still should have known what it would do to me. And if he did know that this would happen - that I would lose half of myself, and he still decided to leave, in spite of that… And, if he was experiencing anything like I was, even to the smallest degree, and he was still staying away… Well I'm just not sure how I should handle that.

I thought about the other questions too. Would he ever come back? Should I just wait and see? But what if he took too long and I got too old. If I did try to find him, where would I begin? How do you find a mythical creature with unlimited resources, whose presence has gone undetected for a century?

I got up from the floor and went to my closet to dig out my old CD player. I took it with me to my bed, I put on the headphones and inserted Edward's CD, and immediately his music filled my ears. Another thing I thought I would never hear again. And in that moment, I was just so thankful that I couldn't bring myself to worry any longer, and I let the sleep overcome me.

**A/N: Please review! This is only my second fanfic and it's my first full length story. So I would really appreciate any feedback that you have. **


	3. Chapter 3 Plans

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and dialogue belong to Stephenie Meyer. Thank you.**

**Chapter Three:**

**Plans**

I woke up the next morning to the sound of a piano. As I became more conscious, I recognized the beginning of Esme's favorite. A big smile spread across my face as I remembered last night's events. To add to my already good mood, I realized that I hadn't had my reoccurring nightmare last night. Instead I had dreamt of Edward's face. Nothing happened in the dream, we didn't even talk, it was just me staring at his smiling face.

Once Esme's song came to a close, my lullaby began. Only a few notes into it, I felt a few tears fall down my cheeks and I wasn't sure whether they were tears of joy or sorrow, both most likely. After my lullaby finished, I remained in bed and listened to the rest of the music on the CD, but then I decided that I shouldn't seclude myself in my room all day and went downstairs to go get some breakfast.

"Hey there kiddo." Charlie called warily from the living room and it sounded more like a question instead of a greeting. I suddenly wished that I could remember more clearly what had happened with Charlie after I got home last night.

"Good morning Dad." I called back as I went to grab a box of cereal and a bowl from the cupboard, as Charlie walked into the kitchen and leaned against the wall.

"Um, I think you mean 'afternoon' Bells, you slept half the day away, its already three o'clock." Three o'clock! Wow I really did sleep a long time. I covertly eyed Charlie from between the curtain of my hair and noticed that he was giving me an appraising look but also that the sides of his mouth were slightly curved up. I had a suspicion that that might have something to do with the fact that last night was the first night in I don't know how many months that I didn't have a nightmare or wake up screaming, it must have been a nice change for him as well.

"Really? Huh, I guess I was tired." I grabbed the milk from the fridge and poured it into the cereal, still refusing to look at Charlie directly. I knew that he wasn't the most observant man, but he was the chief of police and I had no doubt that he would be able to recognize the different attitude I had now, and that was the last thing I wanted. I still hadn't come up with a plan on how I was going to handle the whole "Edward loves me, but left me anyway" situation, and I didn't want to tip off Charlie to anything out of the ordinary.

"Yeah, I would say so." He chuckled, and then paused before starting again. "Hey Bells, I was about to head down to La Push to see Billy. I was wondering if you wanted to join me, Jacob's asked about you the last couple times I've been there."

For some reason this idea didn't immediately sound horrible to me, I hadn't seen Jacob since prom and it would be nice to talk to him again. But after thinking it through, I figured that having the house to myself for a couple hours would be more beneficial than visiting with Jacob and Billy. "Um, no thanks Dad. I really didn't realize how late it was, and I have to start and finish an essay for school by Monday. Maybe next time though, I haven't seen Jacob in so long." I finally looked at him full in the face and gave a small smile of reassurance. Charlie was just staring at me expressionlessly. I suddenly realized that I wasn't entirely sure how I usually behaved around Charlie, or anyone else for that matter. Everything about the last few months just seems like a haze. I know that I hadn't been as verbose or lively as before, but I do remember making an effort to respond whenever anyone spoke to me. Crap! I had probably just said more to Charlie in the past five minutes than I have in the last three months. I really didn't want Charlie to suspect anything, but what if my actions already tipped him off?

As I mentally chastised myself for having been a zombie for the past months, Charlie finally answered me. "Sure Bells, there will be lots of opportunities for that, especially once the weather warms up and we can start fishing again. Well, I'm going to head out, is there anything you need before I go?" He was still looking at me with police officer eyes, trying to determine if and what I was hiding.

"Oh no Dad, I'm fine really, just a little upset that I lost half the day, I haven't even started on my paper. You have a good time though, okay? And tell Billy and Jacob that I said 'hi.'"

"Thanks Bells, I will. Since you'll be working on your paper do you want me to bring home a pizza so you won't have to worry about cooking dinner?" He asked, giving me a significant glance while doing so. For some reason this felt like a test. I may not have been able to remember my exact behavior from the last couple of months, but I did know that I have cooked on every night that I didn't have a shift at Newtons.

"No Dad, I'm sure I'll want to take a break at some point, and dinner will give me an excuse. Thanks though." I can't remember the last time Charlie and I had spoken so much, and I immediately felt guilty for that.

"Sure Bells. I'll see you tonight around seven or eight. Good luck on your paper." He turned to shut off the television and then grabbed his coat and keys from the hook. I got up to put my now empty bowl in the sink; I decided to do all of the dishes after dinner.

"Thanks Dad. See you later." I heard the door close behind him and let out a deep breath. I had four to five hours before Charlie came back; time to get down to business.

I ran back upstairs, probably not the best idea, but luckily I only tripped on the top step and caught myself before any damage could be done. When I got to my room, I sat down at my desk and turned on my ancient computer. As I waited for it to boot up, I thought about the fact that Edward left while loving me. I now understood that he was did it to "protect" me and remove the danger that having him in my life put me in. But even knowing his true intentions, it still hurt. It had seemed like it was so easy for him to leave. The last time he spoke to me, he was so cold, in more than the usual sense. And more than just Edward, all of the Cullens had left me, even Alice. I remembered that Edward had once explained that they had all moved countless times because someone had "slipped up" and drank from a human. I knew that if Edward asked them, they would all move for him as well. I hated to think of myself as a "slip up," but I couldn't help that feeling right now.

I knew then that because I really hadn't begun my search, that I could just forget the whole idea and avoid the possible heartache that could ensue. But even as that thought entered my mind, I knew it wasn't really an option. The belief that Edward still loved me was so strong that I couldn't help but think I was right. And if he loved me, then I also had to believe that he was suffering just as much as me, and I knew I had to stop that. I knew I had to try and find him, find all of them.

Once my computer was fully booted up, I thought about how to begin. I realized that a simple internet search wouldn't yield any promising results. Because they never changed their names, I knew that Carlisle, or Jasper, or someone must have been in charge of removing any paper trails that they may have left behind. They had been doing this for so long that I'm sure they had a perfected fail-safe system. I knew then, that this was going to take a lot of time and effort, but I also knew it would be worth it in the end, once I was back in Edward's arms, and back with my family.

But still, where to begin? I remembered that Charlie had told me that Carlisle had taken a position at a hospital in L.A., but I knew that was lie. So, my first task would be to figure out where they might have gone.

**A/N: The search begins in the next chapter! Hopefully I'm staying pretty true to Bella's character; please let me know if I'm not. I don't have the next chapter written, but I know where I'm going with it… That being said, I would really REALLY love it if I could get 10 reviews before I post the next chapter. Tell me you love it, tell me you hate it, just tell me : ) . I am in the process of packing up my apartment and moving, so that should give you all enough time to review ; ) I'll try and write really far ahead so that way I can update quickly.**

**Thanks for reading!!!**


	4. Chapter 4 Research

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and dialogue belong to Stephenie Meyer. Thank you.**

**A/N: Hello readers! I know I said I wanted 10 reviews before I updated again, and although I did not receive 10, only 3 I did finish the chapter and I didn't want to keep you guys waiting because I heart you all… So thank you mg1990, onceuponanovember, and flamingheart1974, for your reviews I really appreciate it!! Additionally, I'd like to thank Lilygreen, riotgirlfreak1487, and DuckyFreeman, for their reviews as well! **

**Chapter Four:**

**Research**

Previously:

_Where to begin? I remembered that Charlie had told me that Carlisle had taken a position at a hospital in L.A., but I knew that was lie. So, my first task would be to figure out where they might have gone._

I opened up a new word document on my computer and started typing out, the things I knew for certain. This included everything I could remember about any of them, of course, Edward's list was the longest. This proved to be very helpful, as I remembered important details, like how Emmett's change was necessary after a bear attack, I also found I was able to remember more small insignificant things, like Emmett's unnatural fear of bees. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that none of these memories hurt. Over the past few months, I had purposefully refused to consciously think of the Cullens, knowing that it would cause me pain; but now I was able to smile and laugh as I reminisced over the lives of my former family.

When my document reached six pages in length, and I had run out of details to add to the lists, I skipped a few lines and started to type the information I thought would be most helpful in my search.

First, Carlisle was a doctor. I knew that over the years before the family was so big, Carlisle and Edward even practiced together, but that was during a time when the medical profession was a lot less strict on its practitioners and when people were thankful for any kind of medical attention they could get. I knew that because of Carlisle's control and love of helping people, he would never give up being a doctor. And furthermore, if he and Esme continued to use the cover of being adoptive parents, then he would need a profession that proved to any outsiders that he was able to support a family of seven. Taking all of this into consideration, I decided that wherever they were, there would be a hospital nearby.

Second, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper had just graduated from high school, which meant that they could attend college somewhere… but then again, they could decided to start high school all over again to give them more time wherever they were. I don't know why, but I didn't think they would return to high school, Rosalie had been too happy to be finished. So, maybe they were somewhere near a college or university. Although, maybe they got tired of school and decided to take some time off, it's not like it was their first time or anything. There really was no way of knowing which they would decide to do.

Third and most important, they were somewhere that had lots of cloudy days. I figured this would probably be the best place to begin.

Being a girl in the twenty-first century, I had the whole world available at my fingertips, so I did what any other teenager would do, I logged on to the internet. From there, I opened up a search browser, and typed in "cloudiest cities in U.S." Over thirteen thousand results popped up, so I clicked on the first link, waited while the page loaded, and the copied and pasted the top twenty cloudiest cities from the web page onto my word document. Unfortunately because my computer was so ancient and I was using a dial up connection, the entire process was taking much longer than I would have liked. By the time I was finished with the first ten result websites, two hours had already passed and it was already five o'clock. I went to the next ten website results, I figured that some sites would use different means to determine which city was cloudiest, and I wanted to make sure that I had a well rounded list before I began my search. I figured that I could get all of the results now, save them in the word document, and go over them later tonight. I knew I would be up late tonight since my sleeping schedule was affected by my oversleeping this morning.

Once I had about two hundred results, I cleared my browsing history, disconnected the internet, and saved the word document under the title "Possible Colleges" to my computer. Although I was not expecting him too, I figured that if Charlie were to snoop, he wouldn't find that title particularly interesting, and would hopefully skip over it, but as I thought about what was in the document, the truth about the Cullens, I decided to hide the file deep within numerous files and make it password protected. I created a password that I knew I would never forget and that no one could ever know or be able to guess: _EAMC06201901_.

Satisfied with my afternoon activities, I headed downstairs to begin dinner. I really wasn't in the mood to do anything overly elaborate like I might have done when I was in need of distractions, now my only goal was to find Edward, and everything else was a distraction. So I pulled out some chicken to fry and some lettuce to make a salad, simple enough.

Just as the chicken had finished frying, I heard Charlie's cruiser pull up. I began to set the table when I heard him open then shut the door. "Hey Bells" he called when he spied me from the living room, while turning on the television.

"Hey Dad, dinner is all set if you're ready to eat now." I wasn't entirely sure he was paying attention, since he was staring intently at some sports news recap program. After a minute with no response, I tried again but infused a little more annoyance into my voice than was absolutely necessary: "Dad, dinner is ready." That got him.

"Oh, alright, thanks Bells. I'll be there in just a second." He called back, still watching the television. I took my seat at the table and began eating without him; the sooner I finished the sooner I could get back to my research.

I was half way finished with my fried chicken when Charlie finally graced me with his presence. "Hey Bells, this looks great!"

"Thanks Dad, you may have to reheat it though, I'm not sure if it'll be hot enough for you."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea." Charlie picked up his dinner plate and carried it over to the microwave, set the time, and returned his glance to me. "So, how is your paper coming?"

I smiled knowingly to myself. I knew that Charlie had been suspicious of my earlier behavior, so I had made it a point to remember one of my previous essay assignments, just in case he asked. "Oh, not too bad, I've still got a bunch to do though." I continued to give him a general overview of what the essay called for, without being too specific. I remembered that he had once told me that a police officer always suspects when a person is lying when they give too many inconsequential details. And I was quite pleased with myself for having remembered and successfully applied that little bit of knowledge.

"That sounds real interesting Bells." Charlie said as he removed his warmed up chicken from the microwave. He took his seat across from me at the table and began eating his salad. The rest of the meal passed without incident, although I did notice Charlie eyeing me on several occasions. Once I finished my dinner, I went to the sink to clean the dirty the dishes from the day. A few minutes later, Charlie got up and brought his dishes over to the sink. "Hey, why don't you let me finish those and you can go upstairs and finish your paper."

Now I was suspicious, if there was one chore Charlie hated, it was doing the dishes. I quickly ran through the consequences in my head, but finally decided that it was a risk I was willing to take. I knew that if my plans continued, I would be doing a lot of things that Charlie would find suspicious, but at this point I really didn't care, I just wanted to find Edward. "Thanks Dad, I really appreciate it." I said as I turned to head back upstairs.

I sat back down at my desk, located the document file and entered my password. When it was entirely loaded I started reading over the different results. For the most part, the websites had been fairly consistent. Cities in the Pacific Northwest were always in the first few positions. But that really wasn't helpful to my search since I was working under the assumption that the Cullens were relatively far away from here. Once they left a city, they would have to make sure that they went some place where there was a very small possibility of being recognized by old acquaintances.

Other cities to make appearances on the results included: Binghamton, NY; Buffalo, NY; Morgantown, WV; Erie, PA; Ithaca, NY; Pittsburgh, PA; Burlington, VT; Grand Rapids, MI; Wheeling, WV. For some reason I found Erie, PA to be a very humorous result; it just sounded like a place where vampires would live.

The cities in New York seemed like the most promising possibilities. There would definitely be hospitals, colleges, and high schools in New York. And lots of shopping for Alice, I thought with a smile. Perhaps they lived outside a city, in a huge house, similar to their home here. At this point, New York was the best option so far, but it was so big, how would I find seven people in a state of nineteen million? I decided that after I finished going through the results, I would start investigating the cities in New York. I knew that if it came down to it, I would call every single hospital in the state of New York and ask for Carlisle until I found him. I figured that it would probably come to that, but if I could somehow narrow my calling range to a single city, I would be very greatful.

As I continued through the results, cities in Alaska became more prominent. I figured that one of the determining factors had been based on population, and Alaska hadn't shown up before because it wasn't very populated. I was about to keep going through the rest of the results, when I remembered something from my first day at Forks High. I was sitting next to Jessica in the cafeteria, when I had seen them for the first time. She had told me the gossip that surrounded the Cullens, who were still considered the new kids after moving to Forks from… Alaska!! Then suddenly it hit me! Denali, Alaska! When Edward had been absent during my first week at school, he had told me that he had gone to Alaska to see some friends, while he decided what to do. And when we had met James, Victoria, and Laurent, Carlisle had told them that in Alaska there was another family of vampires that also abstained from human blood. I knew that there were other vegetarian vampires living in Alaska, and they were also friends with the Cullens.

I knew then what I had to do. I was going to Alaska…

**A/N: Thank you for reading this chapter. I know that some of you were wondering how Bella was going to try to find the Cullens, and I hope that this was relatively believable. Again, any reviews, comments, or questions, you have would be really appreciated! Until next time…**


	5. Chapter 5 Travel Plans

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and dialogue belong to Stephenie Meyer. Thank you.**

**A/N: Sorry that it took me a week to update. Life has been kind of crazy. I've been spending pretty much all of my free time looking for a job, but have not had any success. I'll try to make my updates quicker, I'm just as excited to see where this story goes as you guys are, so let's get on with it… **

**Chapter Five:**

**Travel Plans**

I woke up the next morning feeling very excited about the something. It only took a few seconds before I was fully conscious and able to recall what had me so hyped up.

I'm going to Alaska.

I am going to Alaska.

When am I going to Alaska?

How the hell am I going to get to Alaska?

What am I going to tell Charlie?!

Well, first things first. Having just resumed after Christmas break, I knew that there weren't going to be any more school vacations until Spring Break in March, but there was no way I was going to be able to wait that long, I had spent over three months away from Edward and I didn't want to be away from him any longer. I guess I'll just have to miss a couple days of school and go over a weekend when I did not have to work at Newtons.

I also knew that there was no way whatsoever that my truck could make a drive to Alaska, and with not being able to go over fifty-five miles per hour, it would probably the four days just to get to there. I rolled myself out of bed and when to turn on my computer and while it was booting up, I went to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

After I had showered and brushed my teeth, I went downstairs to get a bowl of cereal. Charlie's cruiser wasn't in the driveway, but I had no idea where he was. I took my breakfast back up to my room and began searching for the prices of plane tickets to Alaska. I was very happy to discover that it would only be a three and half hour plane ride from Seattle to Anchorage and because I wasn't planning to travel on any big holiday, I was able to get relatively cheap airfare. I knew that money wasn't really going to be a problem. When I came to Forks last January, I had over fifteen hundred dollars saved to spend on a car, but since Charlie had bought Billy's old truck for me I still had that money. Plus, I had all of the money I had earned at Newtons over the past couple of months.

I booked my flight and would be leaving in two weeks on a Friday morning, and coming home on a Monday evening. The flight landed in Anchorage, which was over two-hundred and thirty miles away from Denali. I figured that I would be able to kill two birds with one stone if I told Charlie that I wanted to go to Alaska so I could take a tour of some colleges and that I would need him to rent a car for me to be able to do so. I was trying to make it sound like I was moving on with my life and hopefully he would go along with anything as long as it appeared that way.

I wasn't entirely sure what to do about a place to stay. I wasn't entirely sure I would be able to find the Denali family on my first attempt and beyond that I felt like I was really pressing my luck if I asked to stay with them for the weekend. I had no idea how they would respond to me. If Laurent did in fact go to Denali after the incident last spring, then I could probably assume that they would know who I was. But that did not guarantee that they would accept me with open arms or anything, not even all of the Cullens had accepted me (_cough, Rosalie, cough cough_). I couldn't let myself think like that though, I had to stay positive! I knew that Edward and I were meant to be together, I just had to be strong enough for him, and the first step to accomplishing that was to face an unknown, rather large, albeit vegetarian family of vampires, piece of cake.

Charlie finally came home in the late afternoon. I had just begun cooking hamburgers and French fries, when his cruiser pulled into the driveway. After closing the front door he came directly into the kitchen, bypassing the television. I glanced over my shoulder to greet him, when I noticed that he was in his uniform. "Hey Dad, were you working today?" I asked. Usually he had weekends off, so I was wondering why he had to work.

Charlie heaved out a long sigh before answering, "Yeah, what a day! I got called in this morning because the station had received some calls about bear sightings."

Bears? That made me think of Emmett, which then made my lips involuntarily turn up into a smile. I'd have to tell him that just when he left the bears started coming around. I returned my focus back to Charile, "Bears? Are you sure?" I asked.

"Well to be honest no, we've never had many in this area before, and they've never been so close to town, but the people that actually saw it or them, said that they were huge: 'big as a house and pitch black' was how one man described it. Regardless, it has some people worried, so I had to go check it out. I didn't see anything though." Charlie explained as he started to remove his gun belt from around his waist.

I briefly wondered why a bear sighting would fall under his jurisdiction, but I figured the forest rangers were most likely involved as well and Charlie was just trying to help out. "Well, that's understandable. Were you and the deputies trying to trap it?" I asked as I put the raw potato slices in the boiling grease.

Charlie chuckled a little bit before answering, "No, no, bears are only in season August through November. Really the only thing we can do is keep an eye out for it. We can only shoot the bear if it is about to attack someone."

"Oh, well hopefully that doesn't happen." The thought of Charlie be attacked by a bear made my stomach churn. Sometimes I really wished that my dad had a normal boring job, like an accountant. Not that being a police chief in Forks was normally wrought with danger. I had put him in more danger last spring when James was tracking me and Esme and Rosalie had to follow Charlie to protect him from Victoria. That memory made my stomach churn again.

"You're telling me kid. Honestly, this is the park ranger's territory. I don't have a clue as to how to take down a bear, I just wanted to help out if I could." Charlie turned and left the kitchen to hang his belt on the hook near the door.

When he came back into the kitchen with the newspaper rolled up in his hands I decided that now would be a good time to ask him. "Hey Dad, I wanted to ask you a question."

"Go ahead kiddo." He replied as he sat down at the table and started unfolding the paper.

It was now or never, but regardless, I was eighteen and could go without his permission, but it would make things a lot easier if he cooperated. "I was wondering if I could take a long weekend in two weeks and go to Alaska to visit some colleges."

I watched as a smile spread across Charlie's face and I breathed a small sigh of relief knowing that he was on board. "Oh Bells, that's great, I really think that will do you some good. You're going to go on a Friday and come home Sunday?" He asked.

"Actually, I was hoping to come home Monday afternoon. The offices at the colleges will most likely be closed over the weekend, so my only opportunities to talk to the staff will be the Friday afternoon and the Monday morning. On Saturday and Sunday I was going to walk around the campuses." I couldn't believe how easy lying was becoming for me, but I knew that I would do anything I had to just to bring Edward back to me.

"Yeah, that makes sense, good thinkin' Bells. When were you planning on going?" Charlie asked.

"I was hoping to go two weeks from this current weekend. I want to see if I like it so I can hurry up and get my application in. I do need a favor though; do you think you can rent a car for me so that I can get to the college from the airport?" I asked, hoping Charlie would be as agreeable to this as he was to the trip.

"Sure, no problem, If you can get me the number of a rental place I'll give them a call tomorrow and ser it up for you." He replied with a smug grin on his face.

"I can do that. After we finish dinner, I'll look up the number on the internet. Thanks Dad." I was so happy. Again it felt like fate was intervening and making everything work out for me. I could only hope that my good luck would last.

The rest of the night passed without any issues, Charlie enjoyed the hamburgers and fries and afterward I got him the number of a rental place in Alaska. When he asked me what kind of car I wanted, I almost asked for a silver Volvo, but knew immediately that that would not be a good idea, so I just told him to get the least expensive one. After doing the dishes I went back upstairs to get a hotel room near Denali for the weekend. If things went really well and I did in fact end up staying with them, I would only be wasting money.

As I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep I couldn't help but think that all in all, today had been a good day. Thankfully, it seemed that Charlie had not remembered that the Cullens had just moved from Alaska when they first came to Forks. But I was more than a little apprehensive about going to school tomorrow, since I knew very well that the students still remembered where the Cullens came from, after all it had been Jessica who told all about them on my first day, which come to think of it had been exactly one year ago today. Hmm, so much has changed since then. I never would have guessed that one year later I would be searching for my long lost vampire soul mate because he left me after his brother tried to eat me.

Furthermore, now that I was no longer behaving like a zombie, I was scared about returning to the land of the living. I hadn't talked to Jessica since the movie on Friday night, and I was afraid of what she would tell the others, not that I really cared about they thought of me, but if my plans were going to work I didn't want to make anyone suspicious, and I was going to try my damnedest not to let anyone find out where I was going in two weeks.

**A/N: So as I was writing this chapter I realized I made a very big mistake. I was trying to conform to the original time line as much as possible, but apparently I forgot that Bella had a shift at Newtons the day after she went to the movies with Jessica. But luckily, this is fan fiction and whatever I say goes. Sorry about the mistake though. Thanks for reading. Please Please Review. They make me so happy!! Also, Happy Memorial Day.**


	6. Chapter 6 Departure

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and dialogue belong to Stephenie Meyer. Thank you.**

**A/N: Hello readers, this is kind of a filler chapter, I know lots of you are excited to meet Tanya and the gang, but I felt some of the stuff in here was necessary for later plot points I want to develop. Hope you enjoy it, and if you do – ****please review!!**

**Chapter Six:**

**Departure**

The next two weeks could not have gone by any slower. I was so anxious to leave for Alaska that I could barely concentrate on anything else. And very much to my liking, nothing out of the ordinary, or what I assumed to be the ordinary now-a-days, happened at school. I worked several shifts at Newtons, and overheard some backpackers discussing the bear one of them had seen. Again, I felt a twinge of fear for Charlie's safety.

I had gone to the bank and deposited five hundred dollars. I had made reservations at a motel near Denali, and had asked to pay cash after each night. I also needed money for gas for the rental car. In all honesty, I was packed and ready to go by next Monday, even though I still have two weeks before I left.

I made sure to send an email to Renee, to let know about my trip. I knew that over the past few months my contact with Renee had not been stellar. And to be frank, I was still a little miffed that she and Charlie had tried to get me to leave Forks. Who was she really to treat me like a child when she herself had cried countless times over boyfriends, and it had been me who had soothed her? Regardless, she was my mother and I loved her, plus I'm sure Charlie would tell her, if he hadn't already. She had written me back the next day asking if I would be looking at any colleges in Florida and that if I did, maybe I could visit her and them during Spring Break. I didn't respond because, I knew my Spring Break would be spent with Edward. I'd make sure of it.

On the Wednesday before I left, I decided that I would give Fork Hospital a call to see if they had Carlisle's phone number. I knew that this was a long shot, but if I could avoid going to Alaska and skip right to the part where I was reunited with Edward and the rest of the Cullens, well, obviously it was worth a shot. I had never been the best liar, but I felt more confident on the telephone, knowing the person on the other end would not be able to see my giveaway blush.

"Thank you for calling Forks General Hospital, how may I direct your call?" The woman who had answered the phone sounded pleasant and I hoped that she would buy my story without too many questions.

"Yes, I have a question and perhaps you can help me?" I asked in my most adult and serious voice.

"I can try, what's your question?" The woman asked.

"My name Grace Anderson and I'm a registered nurse at Valley Presbyterian Hospital in Los Angeles. One of our doctors, Dr. Carlisle Cullen was previously employed with you, is that correct?" I asked, hoping beyond hope that this kind of situation was believable.

"Yes, Ms. Anderson, that's correct. We sure do miss Dr. Cullen up here. Is everything alright?" She replied, still sounding cheerful.

"Yes, it is. Except that Dr. Cullen appears to have left his pager here at the hospital and he is on call tonight, I don't think is quite used to our paging system yet, this is not the first time it's happened." I made a quiet chuckle at my pre-planned joke, and then cleared my throat before moving on." Anyway I've tried him on the home number he had listed with us, but have not been able to reach anyone. I was hoping that you had his cellular phone number still on record, so I could try and get a hold of him that way." I asked and then held my breath as I waited for her answer.

"Alright, let me check his personnel file and see what he has listed. Give me just one second while I put you on hold." The woman replied, and I did not hear any suspicion in her tone. I exhaled.

"Thank you." I replied, elated that this had actually worked. I waited for about five minutes on hold, and was actually thankful that I was not a real nurse in need of the doctor on call's phone number.

"Hi Ms. Anderson, are you still there?" The woman's voice came back on the line, cutting of the cheesy instrumental music that was playing, Edward's was so much better.

"Yes, I'm here." I answered back.

"I'm sorry for the wait, but I do have Dr. Cullen's cell number." Before she even finished her sentence, my face lit up like a kid on Christmas; I couldn't believe that this had actually worked.

"Oh, that's great. I have a pen so go ahead." I grabbed a pen off of my desk and got ready to write down the number on a post-it.

"Alright, its area code 810, 344-2216. Did you get that?" She asked. I reread the number back to her, thanked her for her help, and then hung up.

Now that I had Carlisle's number, all I had to do was call. But somehow, dialing those ten digits seemed like a much harder thing to do than go to Alaska and face vampires. What was I going to say? 'Hey Carlisle, its Bella. So I realized that Edward loves me and now I want to see him. Where is at?' Not likely. I truly believed in my heart that Edward did love me. That all of them had loved me, like I loved them. But they had left. Regardless of their reasons for doing so, they had all left and none of them came back or called to check on me.

I had to push those thoughts aside though. I wasn't even sure this number would still be in service, and if it wasn't, all of my worrying about what to say would be in vain. So, I took a deep breath and dialed the number. It didn't even ring. A robotic female voice immediately announced that the number had been disconnected. Really I wasn't surprised. Disappointed, yes, but surprised, no. The Cullens were thorough. And this didn't change anything; I would go on with my original plan and hope that it would be more successful.

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Charlie had dropped me off at the airport two and half hours before my flight was scheduled to leave. After he carried my bag to the check-in station, he pulled me into a tight and most un-Charlie-like hug. "You've grown up so fast, and I'm so proud of you Bells." He had said. At his words, my stomach churned with guilt. My plan revolved around him thinking I was moving forward with my life, looking at colleges, and leaving the past behind me. But in reality I was hanging on to my past with a vice grip; I just felt bad for having to deceive Charlie once again.

As I was waiting around for my plane to board, I sat in one of the airport chairs near my terminal and having nothing else to do, I people watched. I watched as a young woman, probably a few years older than I, flipped through a celebrity gossip magazine. I was not able to recognize one person on the cover of the issue. After having lived in my zombie-like state for as long as I did, it was surprising to see how much stuff had changed in three and half months.

My attention was caught by a couple sitting a few rows away. The way the man was gazing into his lover's eyes, reminded me of the way Edward used to look at me. The adoration and devotion was evident on both of their faces. It was too difficult too watch. It was worse than any romantic movie or book or song; this was so real that it sang out loud with joy and life and true love. I tried to look away, but my eyes kept darting back to the happy couple. And although I believed I would have that again, I couldn't sit here watch it right in front of me, so I decided to get up and browse through some of the airport shops.

I had found a small bookshop located a few yards from my gate, and decided to look through it. On my way to the very small classics sections, I walked by a row of blank journals and one caught my eye. It was goldish-butterscotch color that bore a striking resemblance to Edward's eyes after he had fed. It reminded me so much of him that I couldn't just leave it behind, I had to buy the journal. I also figured that it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to record some of my thoughts, after all if everything went according to plan, I would be a vampire soon and this would help me to remember human memories.

After paying for the journal, I went back over to the seat I had been sitting in before, being careful to avoid the couple, and I began writing. I started from the beginning, or at least what I would always consider the beginning, the first time I saw Edward in the school cafeteria. I wrote about his reaction to me in Biology and his unexplained absence. I wrote about how he saved me from Tyler's van and that even though he hadn't talked to be for several weeks after that, he was all I could ever think about. With a smile, I recalled the blood-typing fiasco, especially the part where he had carried me to the nurse's office and the first time I rode in the Volvo. For the next hour and half, I wrote down everything I could remember about Edward Cullen. I had been trying so hard over the previous months not to even think about him, that allowing myself to remember everything was actually kind of therapeutic, especially since I believed I would be able to add more memories to these.

The flight attendant for my gate called for our attention and said that boarding would soon begin. I packed away my journal in my backpack and picked up my larger piece of carry-on luggage. I handed her my ticket, found my seat, and took a deep breath knowing that what I was doing would bring me one step closer to Edward.


	7. Chapter 7 Arrival

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and dialogue belong to Stephenie Meyer. Thank you.**

**A/N: Hi again! Sorry to have kept you waiting, but life happened. Anyway, I'm back now and Bella is finally in Alaska! Plus, we are going to get an itty bitty bit of drama in this chapter, but I do promise more to come! Also, this chapter, and most likely all of the following, will contain M-rated language, as you will find out our Bella has a bit of a potty mouth. **

**Chapter Seven:**

**Arrival**

After the three and a half hour flight, I had finally arrived in Anchorage. After getting off of the plane, I went to pick up my rental car from the company at the airport and begin my four hour drive to Denali. I pulled out the directions to Denali, I had printed them at home, from my backpack and memorized the directions that would take me to the expressway. I tried very hard to concentrate on driving, after all I was in an unfamiliar area and in an unfamiliar car, but my mind just wouldn't stay focused.

I couldn't decide on the best way to explain to these vampires who I was or why I was there. I vividly remembered how secretive the Cullens had been before Edward realized that he loved me, and I knew that these vampires were likely to be the same. As of right now, my entire future was in their hands and I had to make damn sure that I didn't do anything to piss them off. I had to remember to be extra careful with all of my movements, that last thing I wanted to do here was bleed.

But really, my biggest fear at this point wasn't bleeding; it was how they would react to a random human teenager showing up at their door, who also happened to know that they were mythical creatures. I didn't even know all of their names; I only knew that the head of the clan was named Tanya. And I wouldn't even had known that much if I hadn't overheard Carlisle take a phone call from her at the hospital, while he was removing my cast after my accident last spring. Furthermore, I was having a hard time remembering how many vampires were in this…coven? I didn't know if they had the same family dynamic as the Cullens, although I hoped so.

I figured that my safest bet would be to just tell them the complete truth, in a cliff notes version of course, and hope that they would know and tell me where the Cullens were. First, I would introduce myself, see if my name meant anything to them, and then take it from there. I could only hope that my luck held out long enough for me to get some kind of information.

I was immediately pulled from my thoughts by a movement in my peripheral vision. A deer was running on to the expressway and if I didn't do something quick, I was going to hit it. I knew that you're not supposed to swerve to avoid hitting an animal, but I really couldn't risk getting into a collision with the deer. So I slammed on my breaks and cut the steering wheel sharply to the left. _SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!_ I closed my eyes and waited for the thud of an impact and the shattering of broken glass, but they never came.

I opened my eyes glanced at my surroundings. My car was now facing the opposite direction on the highway and I was so thankful that no cars had been behind me. I also noticed that the deer was neither splattered on my windshield or the highway and my rented car was still in one perfect piece. After taking a few deep breaths to help myself calm down, I decided not to waste any more time, and I made a u-turn and continued on my way.

Unfortunately it was quite a long time before my heart began to beat at a semi normal pace. I couldn't help but think that if I had been a vampire my reflexes would have been much quicker. Of course, if I had been a vampire, that deer probably would have become my meal. For some reason, I randomly wondered if Alice had seen that and if she found it humorous, I could just picture her big golden eyes sparkle with amusement and hear her tinkling bell laugh; although, it had always been Emmett who found my clumsiness most entertaining.

Suddenly my heartbeat picked up as I fully realized that Alice could see the future. The second after I made my decision to come to Alaska, she would have known, she would have seen! And if she had seen, if she knew that I was looking for them, wouldn't she want to help me find them?! What if she didn't?! She hadn't contacted me at all. What if she had seen me trying to find them, and tipped off the vampires in Denali? What if this was all a big waste of time and energy and no matter how hard I tried I would never be with Edward again, because the truth was that he did not want me, and he had the resources and the know-how to make sure that I never found him? _Oh God, oh God, oh God…_

I was practically having a panic attack while driving on an Alaskan highway. I pulled off to the side of the road to allow myself time to calm down. I knew that I shouldn't be thinking these kinds of negative thoughts, but when the most positive thing in my life was no longer there, it's actually quite difficult to be upbeat. I looked over at the clock on the stereo and realized that it was already five o'clock. If I continued driving at the speed I had been - which I would do because unfortunately I did not possess vampire reflexes - then I would still have a little over an hour and a half left until I reached my motel in Denali. It was starting to get dark and I just wanted to take a hot shower and then crawl into a bed. I knew that there was no way that I was going to look for vampires, in Alaska, in the dark; I would try and get a good night's sleep tonight and them start early in the morning.

When I finally arrived at the motel and got my room key, I spoke to the person at the check-in counter about the Denali area. I had asked him about the area, which immediately set him off on a ten minute speech about Denali's biggest, and although he didn't say it – only, attraction the Denali National Park. Of course he didn't tell me anything I hadn't already known, since he repeated word for word the information provided on the park's website. Not wanting to be rude and interrupt, I allowed him to tell me all about the extensive wildlife in the park, which included grizzly bears, caribou, wolves, sheep and moose – a veritable smorgasbord for a vegetarian vampire. I once again wondered much sense it made for vegetarian vampires to live near a national park, I would have figured that the wildlife population was carefully tracked and that they would have to be even more careful with their hunting habits to avoid suspicions. But from what I knew about these vampires, they did not move around as often as the Cullens, so whatever they did must have worked.

Once the motel worker finished his mandatory plug of the park, he also told me about other popular activities for tourists, he mentioned skiing, hiking, and "flight-seeing" tours. Since I really wasn't here on vacation and would not be doing any of the normal tourist things, I was only half paying attention to him, but when he mentioned that there was a large house out in the middle of nowhere that could only be seen from the air, he regained my full concentration. He must have noticed my renewed interest, because he went on to explain that no one was sure if anyone lived there because it was so far away from anything, and that the local story was that it served as a vacation home to some rich family had hardly visited.

I knew immediately that this had to be Tanya's house. It all made sense; vampires could have a house in the middle of nowhere because they had enhanced abilities that made nothing inaccessible to them. Furthermore, they would want a home that was secluded so that they did not draw attention to themselves; the Cullens had done the same thing in Forks, living outside the city limits, in a house that was about a mile away from the road. Unfortunately, although I now had a general idea of where their home was, I also knew that it would be very difficult to get there.

When I made it to my room, I decided to just wash up and go to bed. I knew I was in for a difficult task, but I was willing to do anything if it meant I might find Edward.

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I spent all of Saturday hiking around the Denali National Park, in the new boots and backpack I had purchased from Newtons, it was the first time using my employee discount. Because it was winter, the park usually didn't allow hikers to spend much time on the trails, but thankfully Alaska had not received its usual amount of snowfall this year, so they were making exceptions.

I hadn't expected to spend my whole day there, but since I couldn't afford the "flight-seeing" tour, I had to find the way to Tanya's house on foot. It had been very difficult for me to find a park ranger that was able to help me. I had spoken with four separate rangers at different intervals through out the morning and early afternoon, until I found one that was able to set me on the correct path toward the big house out in the middle of nowhere. Unfortunately, by the time I found the helpful ranger, I was thoroughly lost and had to make sure that I got detailed directions to get out of the park today and directions that would get me where I needed to be tomorrow.

There was no way that I was going to be able to get to Tanya's tonight. The helpful ranger estimated that it would probably be about a four hour hike from the park to the house, and I just didn't have it in me today.

After I finally made it out of the park, I decided to get something eat from a fast food restaurant. The greasy cheeseburger sounded so good! It had been forever since I'd had fast food, I had spent much of my "trying to not think about Edward" time preparing and cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner. By the time I got back to my motel room, I had eaten all of my French fries out of the bag.

Once I finished my cheeseburger, I decided to take a shower and get ready for bed, my day of hiking had worn me out and I needed to be up early tomorrow.

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I left my motel room on Sunday morning before the sun had fully risen. This was my last full day to find Tanya, and I was determined to make that happen.

The park was just opening when I arrived, and I pulled out the directions that the helpful ranger had given me yesterday. Before I started on my way, I stopped at the park's main information center, which also housed a small equipment store, and purchased a compass – just to be on the safe side.

After walking for what felt like twelve hours, even though my watch confirmed that it had only been four, and tripping more times than I could count, the woods began thin. I really couldn't believe that I had just hiked four hours through the Alaskan wilderness, and actually reached my destination in one piece!

Finding my second wind in all my excitement, I started walking much more quickly. It wasn't long after that the trees gave way to an open clearing in which a single house stood in the center.

Although I absolutely certain that they would be able to smell me, and most like hear my heart beat, I continued to walk toward the house, with every intention of knocking on the door. I timidly raised my hand to the door and made brief contact. My knock, if you could really call it that, was so soft that no one, except the people I was seeking, would have been able to hear it. In fact, I was certain that my heart, which was beating about a thousand beats per minute, was louder than my knock. And if this was the right house, they would hear both.

Of course, I didn't have to wait long before the doorknob slowly began to turn. I heard the door opening and realized that I had my eyes closed and was holding my breath. I felt the air whoosh out of my lungs as my dark brown eyes opened, looking directly into pair of gold ones.

**A/N: Next chapter we will officially meet Tanya and her family. I am trying to write them as if New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn never happened. So although we do know a lot about the Denali coven, Bella does not.**

**I am sorry if there are any grammatical mistakes, I really wanted to get this out for you guys. Thanks for reading and remember reviews = LOVE!**


	8. Chapter 8 Guest

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and dialogue belong to Stephenie Meyer. Thank you.**

**A/N: I am so sorry that it has taken me two weeks to update. **

**I really envision this story being like a 200,000+ word story, but it that is easier said than done. I try to give as much necessary detail as I can, but I always feel like I come up short and that is what takes me so long to update… I just want it to be perfect. **

**Lastly, I am relatively new to fanfiction writing, so I am not sure if I am going about it the right way, as far as reviews go. I just want to say thank you to everyone who reads and reviews this story. It means so much to me to know that I am creating something that other people enjoy. Thank you.**

**Now on with the story.**

Previously:

_I heard the door opening and realized that I had my eyes closed and was holding my breath. I felt the air whoosh out of my lungs as my dark brown eyes opened, looking directly into pair of gold ones._

**Chapter Eight:**

**Guest**

The woman standing before me was, of course, extraordinarily beautiful. She had shiny thick black hair, and although she was very pale, there was a hint of an olive tone to her chalky complexion. She had very kind eyes and I instantly wanted to trust her.

"Ah, you must be Bella." There was a slight Spanish accent to her voice, which nonetheless sounded like wind chimes to my ears. It took a second for me to realize that she had called me by my name.

"Huh? How did you know that? I, I mean, I am, Bella that is. But how do you know who I am?" I fully understood how ridiculous I must have sounded to her, but she simply smiled, which was much better than a sneer, or a door in my face.

"Why don't you come in, I believe we have a lot to talk about." The beautiful woman opened the door more fully and stood aside, holding out her arm in a gesture of invitation. It took me a second to register what was going on. Although I didn't know exactly what was going on, at least this woman seemed friendly enough.

"Um, thank you." I whispered as I enter the house. I knew I shouldn't have been shocked, I was so used to the extravagance of the Cullens, but this home was so much more. Just in the entry way alone there were paintings that I'm sure were originals from the late seventeenth century and antiques on pedestals. I turned around looking at everything until I cam full circle and met the eyes of the female vampire.

"Hello Bella, my name is Carmen and it is so nice to meet you." She extended her hand to me and I took it, feeling the familiar and comforting coolness of her skin.

"Hi Carmen, thank you for inviting me inside." I said as I released her hand, holding on to it probably a little bit longer than I should have.

"Oh of course. Alice mentioned that you might be stopping by, so we have been expecting you." Carmen said with a kind and knowing smile on her face.

"Alice?! You talked to Alice?! How is she? Where is she? Can you tell me where the Cullens are?" I was practically hysterical as I rattled off my questions to Carmen.

Thankfully she just chuckled and responded kindly: "Why don't we go into the other room and you can meet the rest of my family?"

I nodded and was put at ease as I noticed that Carmen thought of the others as her family. She inclined her head in the direction of the living room, motioning for me to follow behind her. When we reached the living room, I saw that three other vampires, two women and a man were seated on a black leather sectional couch. The woman closest to me had long blonde curls, and when she reached up to run her fingers through her hair, I noticed that there was a strawberry tint to it. She stood, as did the other woman and the man, and introduced herself as Tanya. She offered me a small rueful smile that seemed to convey several other emotions as well, like understanding and hope.

The other female vampire stood and came over to me next. Kate had long pale blonde hair, that was straight as corn silk, and carried herself with confidence. Finally the male vampire came and stood in front of me, offering his hand in introduction. His appearance greatly resembled that of Carmen's, with the same olive tint to his pale skin and his dark brown hair that looked almost black. His name was Eleazar and he was Carmen's mate.

After shaking Eleazar's hand, he reached for Carmen's and they made their way back toward the couch and sat down beside each other; Tanya, Kate, and I followed. I ended up sitting across from the four vampires and I realized how long it had been since I was in the company of such inhumanly beautiful people. However, instead of feeling self conscious and out of place, I felt comfortable and relaxed.

After all of the introductions and pleasantries had taken place, I was informed that another female, Irina and Laurent, who I was surprised to still have been living in Alaska, were gone. "Irina and Laurent are out hunting. I'm not sure that they will be back by tomorrow; their trips usually last a few days." Kate said with a sly smile on her face.

Tanya had to stifle a laugh before she answered, "Yeah, Kate, that's the understatement of the century, you know how those two can get when they're alone and they no one can hear them." I felt the familiar warmth in my face as I blushed at Tanya's innuendo, and tried to hide my face behind my hair.

There was a brief, but not entirely awkward silence, and I figured that now would be as good of time as any to ask my questions, after all Carmen had said that she spoke to Alice and knew that I was coming. I could only assume that they knew why I was here. "I just want to say thank you for being so kind and inviting into your home. As you know, I know what you are and how much it goes against your beliefs to let a human into your home. But I swear that I never would have come except that this is very important…" I let my sentence kind of hang there before I worked up the courage to ask my next question. "Um, Carmen mentioned that Alice has been in contact with you?"

Everyone slowly nodded their heads, but Tanya was the first to speak. "Yes, to be honest I for one was surprised that it has taken you this long to try to get in contact with us, so when Alice called and said you'd be coming, none of us were surprised."

It was my turn to nod my head slowly. "I- I, um, after they left, I wasn't really able to do much except exist, and I didn't even do that very well." It was hard to admit, but I had nothing to hide from them.

"You know, they came here after they left." Carmen said. I shook my head, and so she continued. "Yeah, they were all very upset. Alice was almost inconsolable; Jasper definitely had his hands full. I'd hate to imagine how Edward must have felt."

"Edward wasn't here with them?" I asked because this really shocked me; family meant everything to Edward and it was hard to imagine him not being with the rest of the Cullens.

"No." This time it was Eleazar who answered. Although he was young and beautiful just like most vampires, his voice gave an air of wisdom and kindness, reminding me very much of Carlisle. "I spoke with Carlisle about the entire situation, including the incident at birthday party; incidentally, Jasper was very repentant about everything."

When he mentioned Jasper I had to interrupt, "Oh I know, I never ever blamed Jasper for what happened. It was my fault; I should have been paying more attention." I said as an afterthought, more to myself than to them.

"Bella" Carmen said reprovingly, "Accidently giving yourself a paper cut is not your fault."

"However, being in a romantic with one of our kind, while being human, is a very risky thing, especially when you are the singer of your partner. You put yourself in danger's way every moment you spent with Edward and it just makes me wonder why. What was in it for you?"

"Tanya!" Carmen, Kate, and Eleazar all said at once. I felt my face turn red, and for once it wasn't because I was embarrassed, it was because I was pissed!

"Listen Tanya," I sneered her name, "I love Edward. And as difficult as it might be for you to believe it, Edward loved me too. I was ready, hell I still am ready to give up everything in the human world to be with him. The only thing I stand to gain from being with Edward – is Edward. And he's all I want, ever. So, unless you have something to say that will help me find him, please keep your comments to yourself."

A slightly more awkward silence followed my little outburst, while I held my stare with Tanya. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the other three vampires with smirks on their faces, and I had to admit that I was proud of myself for standing up to Tanya., and I had to admit that I was proud of myself for standing up to Tanya.

"Feisty, isn't she?" Tanya said trying to redeem herself by lightening the mood. It didn't work.

"Bella, I'm sorry for Tanya's rudeness. We completely understand how you feel and we do not think you have any ulterior motives."

"Thank you, again I appreciate any help that you're able to give me."

Of course. So, let's get down to business shall we?" I nodded, and Eleazar continued. "The Cullens stayed with us for only a short time in September. As we said, everyone was pretty upset about leaving. Carlisle explained that it had never been Edward's intention to change you, and that he was always afraid of the danger he was putting you in, given his nature." I nodded, I already knew all of this. "Unfortunately, they had and we have absolutely no idea where Edward is. Alice was never able to get a clear read on Edward's future because he wasn't making any conscious long term decisions."

"I really was surprised when you said that Edward hadn't been with the rest of the Cullens, but now that I think about it, it seems kind of expected." I said quietly.

"What do you mean Bella?" Kate asked.

"Well, when Edward and I first started our relationship, he had told me that sometimes over the years he had felt bitter being surrounded by three perfect couples in love, while he was alone. I know that the last thing I would want to do is have to hear the loving thoughts of others when I couldn't be with the one I wanted." I said hoping that I wasn't betraying any of Edward's confidences.

They all nodded. "That is very understandable." Carmen agreed.

"Do you know where the Cullens went after they left Denali?" I asked.

"No. All we know is that Emmett and Rosalie were thinking about going to Europe." Eleazar said. It was my worst nightmare; I'd never be able to find the Cullens in Europe. "I don't know if Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, and Alice went with them." He finished.

"But, but Carmen said you've spoken with Alice." I looked imploringly at Carmen for confirmation.

She nodded and began to speak. "Yes, Alice called about two weeks ago and said that you would be stopping by."

"And?" I asked.

"Well, that's really all she said. Alice explained that she couldn't disclose much information to us because it might interfere and have negative repercussions on the future." Carmen said in a sad tone.

"Oh." I kind of felt like I had come for nothing, the only new information I had was that I now knew that Cullens had been upset to leave me, and that made me slightly happy but it brought me no closer to Edward.

"But Bella, I'm sure that Alice knows what she is doing." Carmen said as she leaned forward and patted my hands.

I nodded, holding back the tears I felt welling up. "God! I just miss them all so much."

Nobody said anything. There was nothing to say.

Oo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0o

A couple hours later I was sitting in one of the guest bedrooms reading one of Eleazar's books. It had been decided that I would spend the night at their house, so I wouldn't have to pay for another night at the motel. I just turned a page when I heard a knock at the door.

"Come in." I called out.

Kate's head popped in through the slightly opened door. "Bella, we're all going to go hunt. I assure you that it's just a precautionary measure, we usually aren't in contact with humans for any extended period of time, and we just want to be on the safe side." She said.

"Of course! I'm sorry for any inconvenience I'm causing you." I really was sorry for being a little human nuisance, but I was also did not regret that I came. I hadn't received much unknown information, but I still felt like it was the right thing to have come here.

"Nonsense, we are very happy that you're here. We'll be back by morning, if that's alright." She said as closed the door again.

I spent the next few hours exploring all of the old and unique things that they had in their home, it was almost better than a museum. Afterward I went outside to get my bag from the rental car and then used the guest bathroom to take a shower before I got into bed.

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I woke up suddenly when I felt the edge of the bed sink slightly, however when I looked to see who was there, I saw no one. I figured it had just been something from my dream that had woken me up, except that I suddenly felt cold and uneasy.

I rolled over on my side and rearranged my blankets. However, before I closed my eyes again I glanced around the room one more time to make sure that I was alone.

I wasn't.

**A/N: I know, I know… I'm sorry for the cliff hanger. I do have a good portion of the next chapter written so it shouldn't take as long for me to update. I really do want to have this finished by mid-August since that is when school starts. **

**Thanks for reading. Until next time…**


	9. Chapter 9 Deviation

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and dialogue belong to Stephenie Meyer. Thank you.**

Previously:

_I rolled over on my side and rearranged my blankets. However, before I closed my eyes again I glanced around the room one more time to make sure that I was alone. _

_I wasn't._

**Chapter Nine**

**Deviation**

Standing in the corner of the room, concealed in the shadows was a man. His hard muscled body and glossy black hair were very familiar to me. As I began to realize the situation that I was in, my heartbeat accelerated, and as if it were a cue, Laurent stepped forward.

"Bella, Bella, Bella…" he sighed, as he walked closer to me on the bed. "It's funny that you should show up here, I was just getting ready to make a trip to Forks." Although his eyes were the golden color that I knew I should be able to trust, the way he was looking at me was very unsettling and I was very conscious of the hairs standing up on the back of my neck.

"Really, may I ask why?" I continued to look down, refusing to meet his penetrating gaze, but he sat on the side of my bed and reached his hand up to my chin to tilt it towards him. I quickly snapped my head away from his touch.

He continued as if nothing happened. "You may, I was actually going there as a favor to Victoria." He stated simply, and I needed no further explanation than that. Victoria had been James' mate and she had been the one who found my old Phoenix address and given it to him.

"Glad to hear you two are still keeping in touch." I knew I was done for. Everyone had gone hunting and there would be no way I could escape or even hope to fight against Laurent.

Yes, Bella. You see, our kind are very, _very_ loyal to the ones we care about. I am truly sorry that you had to experience first hand what happens when we get distracted and lose interest." As he spoke, he stood from the bed and began pacing in a semi-circle around me. I could feel my mouth fall open, he had spoken almost the exact words that Edward had said to me in the woods. I pushed back the tears that were threatening to fall; I would not let Laurent see me cry. I was not weak.

"Edward did not 'lose interest.'" I lifted my two hands from under my blanket in order to make air-quotes. "He left because he loves me and he was afraid to hurt me." I sneered at him.

"I think you are mistaken Bella. You have to understand how difficult it must have been for Edward to be so… _careful_ with you all of the time. It may have looked easy to you, but it takes so much for one of our kind to control our strength around humans." As if to demonstrate this point to me, Laurent stood next to the bedside table and placed his hand flat on it. Then he tilted his head to me and smirked, before crushing the solid wood nightstand into a thousand little pieces.

He brushed his hands together before continuing: "And on top of that to resist the urge to drink. Frankly, during the whole incident with James, I was surprised he even bothered with the trouble of trying to save you. But to be honest, I'm really surprised that he didn't drink from you when he decided to leave, after all you do smell so mouthwatering." He said as he began to step closer to me, and I noticed that his eyes were no longer gold, but black.

"Well that just proves that Edward loves me." I sneered back at him. Who was he to say anything about my relationship with Edward? He didn't know us.

"No, it just proves that he _loved_ you _then_." He stated confidently, and I hated him for his insinuation.

"Fuck you." Nice Bella, way to instigate the bloodthirsty vampire.

"Now-now Bella. I don't really think you're in a position to be speaking to me like that. I can end your existence in a matter of seconds." He smirked at me as he said that.

I knew it was stupid, but I did not like being thought of as weak, or as one that was easily scared, so I baited him: "well then, what are you waiting for?"

He chuckled… he fucking chuckled at me like I was some amusing little toy created just for his amusement. I was so pissed off that I almost missed what he was saying. "Because I am debating whether or not drinking from you now will be worth facing Victoria's wrath later on. She really is put out with you, Bella."

"Surprise, surprise." I muttered darkly.

"You know, I actually think I would be doing you a favor, I'll make your death quick and relatively painless. And it seems that her plan is flawed anyway. Apparently you don't mean as much to Edward as James did to her, since he left you and hasn't returned. Oh well, she'll just have to deal with it." Laurent said as he began making his way toward me. I knew there would be no chance of escape, I was still seated under the comforter on the bed.

"Keep him talking." Edward's velvet voice filled my ears. I whipped my head around from side to side, vainly hoping that Edward's body accompanied his voice, but unfortunately the voice was only in my head.

I scrambled my brain for something to say, but was coming up short, so I said the first thing that I thought of. "Laurent, where is Irina?"

He laughed darkly before he answered, "Well Bella, I tried to get away from her after we received Tanya's phone call, but she knew something was up when I suggested we should separate. Long story short, I – what is that you humans say? – broke up with her? Yes, she is just absolutely in pieces over it too." He laughed again, and I was not so naïve as to not understand the double meaning, he had ripped Irina apart and most likely burned her body. I was suddenly struck with immense guilt and grief over this vampire that I had never meant. She was dead, for good this time, because of me.

It seemed to me like everything was happening in slow motion as Laurent continued to walk toward the bed. Then I heard Edward's voice say: "Threaten him."

"They'll know it was you!" I practically shouted at him, and secretly hoped that it hurt is over-sensitive ears. "When Tanya, Kate, Carmen, and Eleazar come back, they'll know it was you, and you won't be able to get away with it."

Laurent brought his hand to his face and began caressing his chin as he thought about what I'd just said. I knew it was premature, but I felt the small stirrings of hope in me. Those feelings were squashed as he tilted his head to the side and said, "I'll take my chances. I'm certain you will be worth the risk."

My heartbeat accelerated and Laurent smirked. "Beg!" Edward's disembodied voice urged me, and I could deny him nothing.

"Please, please don't." I knew I was being sincere, but the irony of the situation was not lost on me. Even at this very moment, when I am seconds from death, my greatest wish was still to be bitten by a vampire, just not this with one. I closed my eyes and tried to conjure up a vision of Edward. _I love you, always, forever_, I thought.

"I'm sor-" Laurent began but stopped mid-word. The sounds of glass shattering brought me back to the present as my eyes shot open. I had expected to see Laurent's face inches from mine, but instead I was staring at a long mane of straight blonde hair. My heart leapt in my chest as I recognized Kate, and I knew that if she was here the others must be close. But my glee soon faded when I realized that Laurent intended to stay and fight her.

Laurent bared his teeth and sunk into a defensive crouch, as I heard a snarl come from Kate. It all happened so fast that I almost missed the fight, if you can even call it that. One second Laurent was about to pounce and the next I knew, Kate had her hand pressed firmly to his chest as he lay flat on his back, twitching on the ground. I immediately understood that whatever she was doing must have been an enhanced ability.

It wasn't very long before Tanya also jumped through the broken window. Seconds later, Carmen and Eleazar entered through the bedroom door. All at once, the three vampires approached Kate and Laurent and began dismembering Laurent.

"They'll be right back Bella." Carmen said as Tanya, Kate, and Eleazar jumped out of the window carrying pieces of Laurent's body. "Are you okay?" She asked.

I thought about that for a couple minutes before I answered. Was I okay? "Yes." I answered, because it was true. James had done more physical damage to me in Phoenix, and I had suffered more emotional damage in the past few months, so truthfully on the whole, I was doing pretty damn good, I just felt like a ton of bricks was resting on my chest.

Carmen just shook her head and began to speak, "I am so sorry about all of this Bella. I jus-"

"No. Don't apologize. I am an adult and I knew what I was getting myself into when I entered into a relationship with Edward. He tried to give me an out, he tried to keep me safe, but I don't want it. I am just sorry that I bring misfortune wherever I go."

"Bella, I know you don't want an apology, but I also know that none of us want you to blame yourself either." Carmen said softly, and I nodded my assent.

I turned my head toward the broken window when I smelt something burning. I became instantly nauseous when I realized it was Laurent. Not because I felt remorseful or sad about his death, but just because I was forcing Tanya and her family to kill. Trying to distract myself from what was going on outside, I asked Carmen, "how was Kate able to keep Laurent down?"

"Kate has an enhanced ability that gives her the power to run an electric current through her hands. She is able to incapacitate both humans and vampires; of course it takes much more voltage to keep a vampire down." She explained.

I turned my head toward the bedroom door as Tanya, Kate, and Eleazar entered. Figuring that they heard the beginning of the conversation that Carmen and I were having, so I continued with my next question: "Why would Laurent get so close to Kate then? He should have known you'd use your powers." The second sentence was directed more to Kate than anyone else.

"I never told him that I had a power, or that any of us did. Irina thought we were being prejudiced because of his former lifestyle, but really we just didn't trust him." Kate said.

"And for good reason apparently." Eleazar added, while wrapping his arm around Carman's waist.

"Speaking of Irina, where is she?" Tanya asked, as she looked around the room and starred at the bed as if expecting to find Irina snuggling under the covers.

My stomach plummeted as I thought about telling Irina's family that she was dead, and that it was essentially my fault. I braced myself, taking a deep breath before answering: "I am so sorry, but Laurent… Laurent told me that he killed Irina. I'm really sorry."

"You two go and back-track his scent and see if you can find her. We'll stay here and watch over Bella." Eleazar said as he motioned his head toward the window as the blur that was Tanya and Kate ran out the door.

I sat back down on the bed and rubbed the heel of my palms against my eyes, this had been a very long weekend. "Thank you." I sighed. "Carmen, Eleazar, thank you for saving me."

"Of course Bella." Carmen said reassuringly.

I looked over at the clock on the bedside table, which said that it was two in the morning. Carmen and everyone else had only left an hour and a half ago. "How did you know to come back, that I was in trouble?" I asked, even though I had an idea as to the answer.

"Alice called my cell phone." Carmen confirmed my suspicion. "She told us to go home immediately, that you were in danger. And then she hung up."

Well, at least Alice wanted to keep me alive, that was comforting. After that, the three of us waited in silence until we heard the front door open. Carmen and Eleazar immediately left the room and I followed right behind them.

When I entered the living room, everyone was crouched down on the floor; as I got closer I was able to see that there was a fifth figure on the ground. The blood rushed to my faced and was pounding in my head when I realized that it was Irina on the ground, with her body in tact. "She's okay?! Irina's okay?" I asked no one in particular.

"She will be." Eleazar said. "Laurent tore her apart, but he didn't burn her body. We were able to put her back together and eventually the venom in her system will heal all of the wounds." I was immensely relieved.

Carmen left Irina's side and walked over to me, "Bella, you've had a very rough night, I think you should try and get some sleep."

"You can use my room." Kate offered. "I'm going to stay with Irina in hers."

"Thank you Kate. Thank you everyone. I appreciate everything you've all done for me." I said before I made my way back up the stairs to get my things out of the spare bedroom and move them to Kate's room.

I knew I was too keyed up to sleep, so I pulled out my journal and began to write a note to Edward.

_I feel stronger now, like a fighter. I'm fighting for you, for us. I know that when we first met you were so scared about bringing me into your "dangerous" world, but I never believed that you were dangerous, or that you were a monster. However, now after everything we have gone through: James, the incident on my birthday, and tonight with Laurent, I completely understand what you were afraid of. This world isn't for the faint hearted or those easily scared away. But as we both know, I have no sense of self-preservation, and I don't think that that is a coincidence. Everything I am is compatible with you. My blood attracted you, my silent mind gives you peace, and you make me feel alive. I truly believe that I was made for you, and I will find you._

**A/N: Thank you for reading! Please review, I appreciate them all!!**


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